The Quality of Mercy
by SinsofMidnight
Summary: Of all the things to send his younger brother running, it's the revelation of his sexuality... Ironically, it sends him running, too... but it's who his brother sends back for him that gives Ed pause. EdRoy; some AlWinry. Rated M for emotional trauma/themes. Dedicated to my beloved Alphonseelric22
1. Chapter 1

_The last thing I needed was another fan-fic in progress... but this one wanted out._

* * *

**The Quality of Mercy**

_**Fandom:**__Fullmetal Alchemist_

_**Teaser: **_"_A worry line creased his brow. 'It's not like you to wallow in self-pity, Fullmetal...'  
I snorted. 'I no longer bear that title, _Flame Alchemist_,' I reminded him harshly. 'And since I am no longer that boy, I find myself doing many things that were not like the Fullmetal Alchemist.' Like kissing a woman just to try to make her happy. Like building a house over the past I fled from like a brat. Like lusting after the Flame Alchemist. "_

_**Inspiration:**__I was actually just dwelling on the character of Edward Elric... and some RoyEd wanted out...  
I've been watching the first anime for FMA, and the opening always opens, "Human kind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is alchemy's first law of equivalent exchange. In those days, we really believed that to be the world's one and only truth." That line has always just ...stuck with me..._

_**Rating:**__M because "alchemy" cannot be spelled without it!_

_**Warnings:**__  
-Male/Male  
-Sweary words  
-Depression/Angst  
-Broken Edward...  
-Coping Mechanisms  
-Relationships with Growing Pains_

_**Main Pairing:**__Edward Elric/Roy Mustang_

_**Minor Pairings:  
**__-(attempted) Edward Elric/Winry Rockbell  
__-Riza Hawkeye/Jean Havoc____  
-Heyman Breda/Rebecca Catalina__  
__-(implied) Kain Fuery/Vato Falman  
-Alphonse Elric/Winry Rockbell_

_**Setting:**__Post-Brotherhood. It sorta just... discards the teasers as to their futures, though..._

_**POV:**__It looks like Ed and Roy, so far..._

_**Summary:**__Of all the things to send his younger brother running, it's the revelation of his sexuality... Ironically, it sends him running, too... but it's who his brother sends back for him t__hat gives Ed pause._

_**Additional Ans:**__I love Alphonse. I want to say that now, before anyone makes any mistake about that fact. I love that cutie! But this fan-fiction seems to require some negative things from him.  
Also, I broke Ed on accident. That's why Roy is necessary.  
The title comes from a famous section from Shakespeare's "Merchant of Venice". It is suited to where the story is headed, as you'll see..._

_**Dedication:**__To my dear and beloved Alphoseelric22. She loves a good RoyEd, has put up with me being a weirdo, and understands that we have to break our characters sometimes –but only the ones who can handle it.  
I hope you love "The Quality of Mercy", Alphonse!_

* * *

_Ed:_

I felt like all of my life had been filled with hate and hurt and sadness and disappointment.

I gave _everything_, only to have my brother –my only family– run away when he found out what I am.

Is it so monstrous to be a man who loves a man who will never love me back? Apparently so, in my brother's eyes. I could still see the expression that had slowly crossed his face before he turned and _ran_ from me.

But musing to the dark sky offered me no answers and no solutions. Once upon a time, I _used_ to find all of my answers in my alchemy, but since I gave up my ability to transmute in exchange for the brother I loved more than life, I had been forced to try and find another path to those same answers.

Life was not as ordered as alchemy. In life, equivalent exchange was one hell of a joke. If you need a reference point, see "gave the only ability that made him worth anything for a brother who ran away when he found out his older brother was gay". In life, the laws of alchemy become obsolete when one cannot practice alchemy. The way I'd always lived my life was _obsolete._

What good did it do me to be an alchemical genius if all of my theories had to be tested and practiced and proven by other hands? My heart ached for the alchemy that had pulled me out of deep ruts and unimaginable situations, but I knew that it was gone. I'd given it up for something that I valued more –even if he didn't value me that way anymore.

"Edward?"

I looked up, startled. Had I finally gone completely around the bend? Was I so lonely, so desperate for company, that I was hearing voices? As far as I knew, there was absolutely no reason for Roy Mustang to be in Risembool. In fact, I was pretty sure there were at least three different people who were each perfectly good reasons for him to stay the hell away from my little hometown!

But there he was, his dark hair as perfectly mused as always and his dark eyes full of concern. He looked softer, somehow, outside of his uniform –less severe, less ambitious, less like the Flame Alchemist and more like an ordinary man.

"Mustang," I replied quietly, my attention drifting back toward the dewy grass.

God only knew what he wanted to talk about. Frankly, I wasn't in the mood to talk at all, though I didn't have any particular wish to be alone. But I especially didn't want to be alone with _him_.

"Alphonse told me you might be here." He reached out, a gloved hand coming toward my shoulder.

"Then Alphonse needs to learn when to keep his mouth shut," I snapped back, jerking away from the gentle hand that was scant inches from my shoulder.

He looked a bit hurt by the action. He had only been trying to comfort me and I made him feel like his comfort wasn't wanted.

I sighed and scrubbed my hands over my face. "Sorry," I muttered. "I'm not good company and talking doesn't really help."

A soft chuckle burst passed his lips as he sat down next to me on the stone. "An apology? How rare."

"Don't make a big deal of it." All I could feel was the heat of his body so close to mine. _Shit. Shit, shit, shit, _shit! Trust my little brother to send this sexy _asshole_ after I confessed to _wanting_ him!

_Is this an instance for which I break Al's jaw or hug him tight?_ I wondered idly. Well, time would tell, as it always did.

"How can I not? I think that's the first apology you ever offered me." Despite his calm tone, he still sounded quite surprised by the gesture.

"It might also be the last," I threatened darkly.

The silence drew on and stretched out, but his quiet presence beside me was enough –at least for now.

I was stretching my arms out before me, trying to work a few kinks out of my neck and my spine, when a hand came to rest on my shoulder. "What's wrong, Edward? Why have you changed so much?"

I snorted. "I can't do alchemy. I can't transmute a damn thing –not even a pitiful toy, like I did as a boy."

"Surely, it's deeper than that." It wasn't a question so much as a statement.

I took a deep breath. In my heart of hearts, I knew that this man would keep my secrets. That didn't mean he wouldn't laugh at them when they were revealed: only that he would never spread them. It took a certain type of courage to reveal yourself to a man like that, courage I had to scrounge up from hidden stores and wells inside myself.

_Hm. Perhaps confession is my new alchemy..._

"I'm gay."

Mustang's back was suddenly career-military straight, despite the lack of uniform. "Excuse me?"

"I'm gay. I like men. I told my brother that and he ran from me." That hadn't been all I told him, but then, Mustang really didn't need to know all of the dirty details. "Is it really so wrong to like men? Of all the things I've seen and said and done, why is it that one that scared my brother away from me?"

The silence that fell was thick and dense and harsh. I wanted to bury myself in a shallow grave until he left. Already, I was working out the mechanics and schematics in my ever-busy mind. It wouldn't be easy –not without the use of alchemy– but I supposed I could manage it by hand.

"Perhaps you startled him?" he said at last. "After all, I've known you a long time, Edward, and I never expected _that_ declaration."

"If you think it startled _you_, you should try coming to this grand realization at the age of twenty-one," I replied dryly. "I had originally just thought myself asexual."

"Asexual?"

"Yeah, you know: unaffected by sexuality? Initially, I had thought I had no interest in it at all, regardless of gender..." I shook my head. "But, of course, there had to be _one_ man who turned my head –especially since I have a better chance of surviving another death-match with the dwarf in the flask than of having him. Because my life obviously didn't suck _enough_."

A worry line creased his brow. "It's not like you to wallow in self-pity, Fullmetal..."

I snorted. "I no longer bear that title, _Flame Alchemist_," I reminded him harshly. "And since I am no longer that boy, I find myself doing many things that were not like the Fullmetal Alchemist." Like kissing a woman just to try to make her happy. Like building a house over the past I fled from like a brat. Like lusting after the Flame Alchemist.

He cringed. "Ed..."

"What do you want me to say, Roy? That giving up my alchemy was the biggest mistake I ever made? That I miss being a dog of the military, the alchemist at your beck and call, and all of those _stupid_ pointless missions you used to send me on? That when Armstrong comes to visit, I hide in my basement because seeing anyone that can still preform alchemy _hurts_ something deep inside of me that has never hurt before? That I've fucked up every decent relationship I was ever a part of? That I have become so consumed by my past that there is no longer any sort of escape, nor any reason to?" I sighed, running my hand through my shorter, choppy hair as I tried to process my own outburst.

Roy was at a total loss for words. Frankly, I couldn't blame him. I didn't know what in the hell I was still _doing here_, with all of that baggage.

"I love my brother –I do! There are days that my sacrifice feels worth it. Today, however, is not one of them." My down-cast gaze lingered on his shiny polished boots, for I could no longer meet those dark eyes. "I _built_ that fucking _house_, Roy! I built that house over the charred remains of my family home, the home _I_ burned to remind myself I had nothing to come back to. That house is _nothing_ if not a product of _my_ blood, _my_ sweat, and _my_ tears. Yet I left it because _he_ couldn't cope with a gay older brother. How do you think that makes me feel?"

The silence stretched painfully over the ensuing moments. Yet, to my surprise, he was the one to break the silence.

"...Do you know how long it has been since you were home, Ed?"

_What an odd question,_ I mused, until I realized I didn't really know the answer.

As if he knew I wouldn't know the answer, he continued. "Your brother came to Central to find me when you'd been gone for two weeks."

It seemed impossible. Surely, it hadn't been that long! All of my strongest emotions had always had a lot in common with fireworks: there was a hell of a lot of flash and bang, but it was over quickly enough and forgotten just as easily. I'd never spent that much time away from my brother after a fight, especially after seeing some of the misunderstandings he could come to if left unsupervised!

"Have you been in this graveyard the entire time, Ed?" This time, Roy's voice was gentle as he reached out for my arm.

I nodded slowly, numbly. If it had indeed been two entire weeks, I had been here the entire time.

"I didn't realize you were so attached to your father."

"I'm just getting sentimental in my old age, I suppose," I quipped, though it lacked the normal bite. My eyes still traced the engravings in the headstone.

By all the laws of alchemy, how had I missed the passage of two entire _weeks_?

Roy's hands clasped around my wrists and he lifted me. "Come, Ed. At the very least, you need to eat."

My legs were weak with disuse, so for once in my life, I allowed someone to carry me.

No, not just someone: I allowed _Roy Mustang_ to carry me.

And I fell asleep on his strong shoulder only a few steps in, without even knowing where he was taking me, trusting him to take care of me.

* * *

_Roy:_

"I have _never_ seen him like this," Alphonse Elric told me, wringing his hands as he looked down at his elder brother's prone form. "Oh, gods, this is _all_ my fault...!"

I shook my head. "No, Al. That was a catalyst. It seems to be the compounding of several things. His sexuality was just the last straw."

If I were truly honest, I knew that I was simply trying to make the younger man feel better –mostly because _I_ wanted to blame him for this, and I really couldn't. I stroked Ed's shoulder-length hair, absently wondering what he'd used to cut it because the ends were all jagged. _Probably a knife, knowing him,_ I thought wryly. When it came to thinking things through, Edward was a little... _impaired._

"Yes, but my reaction was... well, it was ...bad." His gaze hadn't moved at all. "I just... I never expected it, and then he told me why he'd realized it and I suddenly just needed away for a time..."

If I had been a rabbit, my ears would have twitched at that. "Who _is_ this unattainable man of his, anyway?"

That made his gaze shoot to mine. "If he wanted you to know, he would have told you."

I shook my head. "I would have counted on that, actually, but he's... he wasn't acting like the Edward I knew." Swallowing hard, I looked at the heart-sick man. "Al... I think it would be best if I took him to East City with me. If nothing else, some distance should give him some perspective."

"I'll go with!"

"Al... Al, he's still upset from your reaction. He'll want to see you, but he still needs more time."

"...But there was _nothing_ he wouldn't do for me when I was nothing but a suit of armor!"

How could I explain this to him without hurting him? "That's probably why it hurts him so much. He would have been happy if he got you back and your body was that of a serpent. I think he feels like you can't accept him..."

Tears began to well up in Alphonse's eyes but his tone barely wavered. "L-let me pack some of his things, at least."

I winced, chagrined and ashamed. His tears had been something I'd been trying to avoid, because, frankly, if he broke down, I probably would, too. It was a lousy day for rain, after all. "I'll bathe our little one, then." Lifting Ed up with one arm beneath his knees and the other supporting his back, I tried to smile at Al. Balancing him was a little awkward, really: Edward had grown so much since the last time I'd held him this way –not that he was conscious when that happened the last time. He really wasn't so little anymore, but he would always be that short-tempered brat to me.

A small smile pulled at Al's lips. "He would kill you with his bare hands if he heard you call him that."

That summoned a genuine smile to my lips. "I know. That's why I call him that." Tousling Ed's hair, I cocked my head at his younger brother. "Do you know why he cut his hair? I thought he _liked_ it long."

"I came home one day and he was swearing at it and hacking at it with a kitchen knife." Al shook his head. "That's all I know."

Inclining my head, I acknowledged the information he imparted. "I best bathe him before he awakes. Gods know, I'd never hear the end of that one."

The front door opened and I turned to watch Winry Rockbell hurry in.

"Did you find him?" she inquired, her tone still shrill and panicked.

"We did," I confirmed, indicating the man currently in my arms.

Her trembling hand rose to cover her mouth as tears streaked silently down her cheeks. "Oh... Oh, Edward. What are you doing to yourself, you foolish man?" she asked softly, even though she knew he couldn't hear her voice.

Al reached out for Winry, wrapping his arms around her and drawing her closer to him. "He'll be fine, Winry. Mustang is going to take him to East City with him for a while."

She whirled, ready to lash out at anyone in her path. "Why? Why must you take him from us all over again? _Why_, damn it?!" Her strong words quickly dissolved into weeping and Al did his best to comfort her.

"I'm taking Edward with me for _him_, Miss Rockbell." I informed her, keeping my tone level and gentle. This was no capricious choice I would soon swear was a mistake. I knew he needed space, and I knew he wouldn't get that here. "He can't seem to cope here right now, but you know Ed: he'll be back before you know it."

She shook her head, her words almost lost against Al's shirt and chest. "No. Not this time. He won't bounce back from this. Are you prepared, Mustang? Are you prepared to care for him if it's more like a few months than a few weeks, or more like a few years than a few months?"

Swallowing hard, I looked down at the slender man in my arms. "I don't think you'll believe me, Miss Rockbell, but I always did my best to take care of him," I admitted, not looking up from Edward's face. Gods, when had he gotten so old, so beautiful? When had _I_ gotten old enough for that to happen, and why hadn't I noticed?

Not willing to give her any more of an answer than that, I walked to the bathroom and slipped into the small room, careful not to hurt Edward any further when I closed the door behind us.

Edward Elric had always been a lot more important to me that I liked to admit –even to myself. Once upon a time, I had seen him as the son I would never have, but that time had long gone. For a while, he'd become an essential friend, much like Maes had been. He'd been my encouragement, my support –even my eyes, at one point. But when he'd given up and left East City to return home, we'd lost our connection over the time and the distance.

Now, as I slowly removed his clothes and folded them neatly before dampening a wash-cloth to bathe him with, I saw another facet to the relationship I had never noticed before: _I admired him._

Edward had always been attractive –eye-catching, even. I'd noticed it in the periphery, the same way I noticed the beauty of a sunrise or the elegance of architecture. What I had always admired in him was his deep core of inner strength, strength that allowed him to push past all the _rules_ and all of the nay-sayers and all of the utterly _impossible_ situations he frequently found himself in. He'd had an incredible charisma, a center in him that never seemed to shift despite any situation, and balls big enough that most people would have had trouble walking. And by all the laws of alchemy, that boy had been so preposterously _strong_. Despite all the cockiness and the happy-go-lucky charade he'd shown all of Amestris, I had seen part of the soul-deep sadness that had been more motivation that anything else.

It had been that vulnerability, that chink in his carefully-built armor, that had made me want nothing more than to protect him. He'd seen so much sadness in his life that something in me _screamed_ for his protection. Frankly, it was embarrassing to remember the number of times Riza had to set her hands on my shoulders and remind me, _"You're his commanding officer, not his father. You can't protect him from everything."_ Still, I'd always tried my best to, even though Edward had never been the sort of person who'd appreciate such a thing.

So why was it that now, at this point, that I ceased to see him as a boy? What was it about these moments that had made me see that the short-tempered boy I'd known was gone, replaced by an equally short-tempered man I wasn't sure would allow me to know him?

Was it the warm smooth skin beneath my hands and the wash-cloth? The choppier hair that framed a much more mature face? Or was it the darkness that he had finally revealed to me, the years of hurt and pain that he couldn't pretend weren't there any more?

As long as I'd known him, Edward Elric had never been _just_ a boy. He'd always been an alchemist, an older brother, a _genius_. He'd been the Fullmetal Alchemist, the Hero of the People.

Yet now, without his titles and without the people he'd always protected –only _now_ did I see the boy had become a man.

I shook my head. It was going to be an interesting time when I got him back to East City. Yet I had a feeling I would enjoy at least _some _of it immensely.

* * *

_Try as I might, I just cannot get into EdWin. Don't know what's wrong with me._

_So EdRoy for the win. But this one... well, it's going to take the men-folk some time to get there. I mean, it's not like Roy's been lusting after Ed for years or anything..._

_Hope this is enough to hook you in! Let me know what you liked, what you hated, what (aside from Ed apparently not eating for two weeks) is unrealistic (that one will be explained away soon enough...) -you know, anything. I'll be happy to answer any questions or explain my choices ^^_

_Later Days,  
~Sins~_


	2. Chapter 2

_Hello, my doves._

_The angst train is still rolling merrily along... Oh, that will be punnier in a few minutes, alright?_

_Anyway! At least one of the characters will exhibit or experience:  
~Idealism  
~Open-Mouth, Insert-Foot Syndrome  
~A trust craving  
~Surreal situations  
~Guilt  
~Reminders of people now gone  
~Irony  
~Distance-Seeking Behaviors_

_Without further ado, I present chapter 2!_

* * *

_Ed:_

A loud repetitive clacking sound permeated my sleeping mind. I tried ignoring the sound, wincing and grinding my teeth against the way the rapid _clack, clack, clack_ integrated into my dream. When my eyes slowly fluttered open, they quickly latched onto the scenery speeding past outside the window. Jerking upright, I stared at the passing fields and the fence posts that almost seemed to dance against the landscape like butterflies in the air.

_I'm dreaming,_ I told myself. Soon, I would be feeling that foreign sensation of automail ports in my right shoulder again and the echo of pain in a limb no longer there. I would look to my left, smile and the suit of armor my brother was bound to, and strike up a conversation with the only person I valued beyond all else.

It was a dream of the past, one I'd been having more and more frequently as of late. I had been just a boy and like the child I had been, I had taken my aptitude and my abilities with alchemy for granted. It had been the given factor of every equation and every occasion to me Yet each time I had the dreams of those times –of the bizarre missions, of the injuries and the people and the roads and the trains, of Maes and family and automail arms, of snow and Ishbal and Xerxes and the dwarf in the flask– I would cling closer and closer to them. Those days, with all their horrors and pain and _purpose_, became the very dreams that kept me alive.

A warm hand ruffled my hair. "Are you awake now, Edward?" a smooth and familiar voice asked.

Startled, I pulled closer toward the window, noticing suddenly that my arms we both still flesh. There beside me sat Mustang.

It hit me like the curl of his flames: this was no dream of things long past. I'd never traveled with Mustang by train –let alone, without Hawkeye or Havoc or one of the others!

"Where are we going?" I croaked out, my voice barely audible.

He handed me a cool bottle of water. "East City."

Clenching my hand about the bottle, I stared at him. "Why?"

"Because they miss you, Ed, and staying in Resembool, isn't helping you right now. I know East City might not have the best memories for you, but at least it doesn't hold the worst."

I knew who the 'they' referred to: his subordinates. We'd forged some incredible bonds through the most impossible situations imaginable. When I'd given up my alchemy, I'd counted myself useless to them and walked away –from them and the military of Amestris. But now... well, Mustang was right: staying in my hometown was causing new wounds to surface and old ones to fester.

He was right, but that didn't mean I'd tell him so –that part of the conversation remained unspoken as always.

Mustang and I had a certain understanding between us, or we had, a long time ago. I would be reckless; he would rail at me. He'd have a point, so I'd argue something else. Every visit to his office tended to turn into a screaming match for a while there, but gradually, something other than the flash in the pan anger we'd started out with began to develop. I wasn't sure exactly how many years had passed while I was under his command before all of that anger turned into something a lot more like respect.

It seems odd, considering that as long as I had known him he'd been a methodical manipulative bastard, but Brigadier General Roy Mustang was an _idealist_. He dreamed of a better, stronger Amestris where no man would be forced to kill innocents or see the sort of things State Alchemists often had to see. So he'd put his strategic mind to work, looking at situations and doing the best to manipulate an advantage or a favorable outcome. Though I had been his strategic advantage often enough, I couldn't resent the man his dreams –especially when he only looked to _improve_ instead of _control._

"How is everyone?" I inquired, twisting the lid off the bottle and taking a few deep swallows.

"Elysia's getting so big," he told me with a smile. "Gracia doesn't know what she'll do when she finally gets the rebellion part of the teenage package. Jean and Riza just got a place together –right next door to Breda and Rebecca. They asked if there was anyway I could help them move in."

I tried to smile. "That I can do." Physical labor had become a specialty over the last few years, because I could work and work and work until I tired myself enough that sleep was effortless, deep, and empty.

He wore the smile that hadn't made it to my lips. "They'll be glad of that."

"What about Fuery and Falman?"

He rolled his eyes. "Fuery and Falman are sharing an apartment so they don't have to live in the dorms. Imagine Winry living with a neat-freak and you'll have the basic idea."

"Well, that will be a reality soon enough," I admitted. "Al's finally getting the nerve to tell Winry he's _crazy_ about her. They probably better talk to Fuery and Falman or Al will kill Winry with her wrench one of these days..."

He arched a brow. "I thought she was rather enamored of _you_."

"She was," I returned wryly, "but she can read the writing on the wall just as well as anyone else."

Those dark eyes traced my expression slowly. It was as though the words washed over him and he came to a staggering realization. "You... you tried to be straight, didn't you? For _her_."

Flinching, I tried to pretend that it didn't hurt me so much that I'd hurt _her_. "Not just for her –for me, too. She's my best friend and I have no wish to face the rest of my life alone."

He scoffed. "Liar. You forget how well I know you. I'll give you the 'not wanting to spend your life alone' part, but it was a _penance_ to you, wasn't it." I knew by the way he spoke that it was clearly beyond question and supposition –this was _fact_ in his mind.

And _this_ was what I hated about the god-forsaken man: he could always read me so damn well!

* * *

_Roy:_

"Who in the hell _is_ he, Ed? Who is this man that makes you punish yourself?" I asked –no, I _demanded_ of him. I knew without a doubt that I'd hit the nail on the head when I called it a 'penance'. The way he curled into himself and tried to hide from me was unmistakable, because I had rarely seen such behavior from him.

His voice was somber and calm when he replied, "It's none of your business _who_ he is. It only matters that I don't have the slightest chance with him, and that only matters because I'm not sure I can bring myself to _forget_ him, let alone love someone else."

_Love_. So Ed _loved_ this unattainable figure of his?

It was one thing if it was something as simple as lust. Lust was predictable and easy, and when it faded, it was easy to move on. Love meant vulnerability and risk and trouble. But it also meant that Ed had _committed_ himself to this mystery man, bound himself to him in such a manner that defied the law he had always lived by.

"_To obtain, something of equal value must be lost"_ -the Law of Equivalent Exchange.

It had been the guiding principle he lived by for his first two decades. But love... love was more fickle than that. One could love and not be loved in return. One could be loved, but not in the way they wished to be. What's more, love was an extension of _trust_, something Ed gave less freely than _I_ did.

This man... he had to be something absolutely incredible if _Edward Elric_ loved him.

He sighed heavily. "So what about you?" he asked, not even veiling his attempt to change the subject. "How have you been, Brigadier General?"

He didn't trust me enough to give me the answer. It was painful to have the fact revealed to me so roughly, but I would never gain the trust I found myself craving if I continued interrogating him.

He'd intended to create distance by using my rank instead of my name –though, now that I thought about it, he'd always referred to me that way in the early years. Had there always been so much distance between us? Which one of us was really responsible for that? I had been his superior, but I knew that at times, he felt incredibly used. I knew that he had emotional needs that weren't being met. I knew that being a State Alchemist was likely to be more of a burden to him than anything else. Shouldn't I have done more to reach out to the boy who'd been more man than anything at age twelve?

I wasn't sure what mask to wear at this point, so I decided against donning one at all. "Pretty much the same as I've always been. I'm on vacation –that's why we're heading to East City. A friend of mine has a country house out there that they insisted I use to take a break."

He laughed at that. "It sounds like you've been working hard... or has it been hardly working? Is Riza still your task-master?"

I nodded. The office was pretty much the same as it had always been. The only thing that was missing was _him_. I tried to shake off the thought, but it stuck much too closely. Had I missed him so much more than I realized?

Silence fell between us and several miles passed us by before one of us spoke up again. Surprisingly, it was Ed who spoke first.

"So, do you have someone special? I mean, everyone else is all neatly paired off: Riza and Havoc, Breda and Rebecca, Fuery and Falman, Al and Winry..." He shrugged, as if it didn't matter, but I could almost hear him thinking, _Am I defective or something?_

"No," I admitted, laughing slightly at my own chagrin. "I've yet to find someone who can overcome my reputation and be an asset at my side."

He shook his head ruefully. "What a clinical approach to forever. Life isn't a chess game, Mustang. Aren't relationships meant to be based on more than strategic advantages?"

Sighing, I met those golden eyes. "If you mean love... well, you know as well as I do that love is hardly equivalent exchange. And I'm not saying I intend to marry the first woman I meet who can do those things; just that they are the first things I really look for in a partner."

He set his chin in his hand. "If a marriage isn't built on things that will last, it will quickly fall, just as a foundation of sand leads to a house's collapse. I hope you chose her based on more than just her face and her will-power. You need someone you can trust, Mustang. Someone who can be a support when you need it."

I blinked at that, stunned to hear those words. Hadn't... hadn't _Maes_ told me something similar, more years ago than I cared to recall? And hearing the words out of Edward's mouth –Edward, who was so heart-sick he couldn't even return to his home for fear of his brother's rejection because of his sexuality; Edward, who was so in love with a man that it was destroying him because he would never have him– struck a strange sort of note in my head.

Having only spent around 22 hours with Ed, I could see how this love was tearing him apart. Yet it was strange to hear the normally jaded man express such idealistic notions about things like relationships –especially since he wasn't coping well with the darker side of his love.

Closing his eyes, he leaned back against his seat. "I know you don't want to hear it, Roy, but you shouldn't run from love. Sometimes, it's the best damn thing that ever happens to you and sometimes it half-kills you, but love –_love_ is what separates us from the beasts. Love is what keeps us from being surrounded by millions of people and still feeling alone. It's the most precious and most powerful thing on this planet."

* * *

_I love the idealism of these two jaded fools, mostly because it is surprising how much idealism one can really cling to despite being used to the world walking all over them. Roy Mustang has this perfect dream for Amestris -and Edward Elric, who has lost most of the people he's ever loved, is a closet romantic._

_Sometimes I don't like to admit how much of myself is in my work -but you can see me all this story, from the dream-noise intigration Ed mentions to Roy's need to defend and protect Ed to their perspectives on love and trust to the behaviors of both of them. _

_Anyway! I just kept that angst train rolling through the station. I loved their awkward small talk that became something else, dissolved back to awkward small talk, and became an idealistic declaration._

_For some reason, this story wants out of me badly right now. I don't know how long it will get, but I already know how it's going to end, and I think it should be an interesting piece to work with._

_Let me know what you liked or what you hated, what you thought was cute, if I got terribly OOC with the boys, or if you have any questions about the story :))_

_Later Days,  
~Sins~_


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